... and gets made fun of by her friends.
Relatively recent examples (okay, #3 happened tonight. I've been deluded and disillusioned about an ABBA song my entire life. I admit it, okay?):
1. Simon and Garfunkel | Scarborough Fair
* actual lyrics: Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme...
* Sarah lyrics: Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, sagerose, marry in time.
No explanation. Just purely retarded. To quote Michele, "What the fuck did you think sagerose was?!" I honestly thought "marry in time" was some kind of metaphor for "mix them slowly together in a bowl" or perhaps "blow together at the whim of light gusts of wind" (over time, of course.)
2. Joanna Newsom | Peach, Plum, Pear
* actual lyrics: I am blue and unwell. Made me bolt like a horse.
* Sarah lyrics: I am blue and unwell. Made me bold like a whore.
I blame Joanna's unique singing voice for my bungling of this one.
3. ABBA | Dancing Queen
* actual lyrics: You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life..
* Sarah lyrics: You can dance, you can die, having the time of your life..
I think my lyrics are more fun. It's more like ABBA was at a Swedish rave. I mean, who has jived since the 50s anyway?!
This post is dedicated to Michele, Libby, Rachel, and others whose joint efforts against musical retardism have allowed me to see the error of my audio abilities and correct my knowledge of well-known song lyrics. Furthermore, I preemptively thank people that will very likely help me in the years to come, when they catch me belting out something ridiculously and embarrassingly incorrect in the car/bar. Thank you.